We saw three homes on this trip to the Aisne region of France, and while there were things we loved about each one, none convinced us to make an offer. Or more specifically, none convinced ME to make an offer. One had the most beautiful exterior with an edgy blend of modern and traditional, but too many areas that needed work. Another lacked soul and was located smack dab in the centre ville in a way that felt ostentatious. And the third…well, it had a real freaking discotheque in the basement that blew our minds, but it was still not the place for us!

Here’s the story: a realtor had sent us the listing for a stunningly elegant house in our price range, so we HAD to see it. Unfortunately, the town was smaller than we’d hoped, and the vibe didn’t feel right for us, though it initially looked perfect on paper. It probably didn’t help that it was 28°F in the middle of January, and the arctic wind had us rethinking any desire to settle in northern France. That’s why I think visiting in person is a critical step you shouldn’t skip. You need to know with certainty what you are getting into – the house, the village, the climate – it’s all very important. Heck – at this stage, I’ve even learned it’s important to smell the house, too! It could look like something out of Architectural Digest and stink like a sewer.

After hours of contemplation and discussion, we’ve realized that there are dozens of factors to consider when picking a house. Everyone will rate their requirements differently, but we’ve been looking for something with character and a garden for Phoebe, close to shops, restaurants, and public transport. It helps to have a list so that if you see a feature that is so dazzlingly distracting, you can snap yourself back to reality (ahem, your actual wants and needs). In this case, we didn’t have a basement lounge on our list. So while the lounge was an unexpected (and frankly amazing!) surprise, would we actually use it? Would it make up for the lack of amenities in the town, or the cold, dark winters? Nope…I think not.

Every trip is an investment of time, energy, and expense. There’s the research, the planning, coordination with realtors, and getting there and back. It’s tempting to want to be done – to scratch “get house” off the list. But none of these houses made us swoon – and I wanted to feel that feeling again before we put in another offer! After we lost out on that house by the Loire, I promised I would not allow this setback to make us feel rushed or force us to compromise on something important. New homes pop up every day, and I know there will be a perfect place for us, sitting right in the middle of the Venn diagram of things we care about. We just have to be patient…

It does feel like a roller coaster though, and that led Ralph to declare that he is taking a hiatus from these trips “where nothing happens.” But the truth is, each time you get out there, you force yourself to contemplate what you truly want and wrestle with different future possibilities.

This is especially important when you’re moving to a new country. Geography determines so much about our experiences. Lemme just nerd out for a second and say that Tobler’s 1st Law of Geography claims that “everything is related to everything else, but near things are more related than distant things.” For example, if you want to feel integrated into a vibrant community where people linger in conversation at sidewalk cafés and art is everywhere, find that place! If that place is hours away, you’ll just be a visitor. In fact, even 30 minutes tends to be too far…something shifts mentally if a round trip takes a full hour.

So yeah…choose carefully. And maybe don’t choose a house because it has the best wine cellar you’ve ever seen (which just so happens to be next to the discotheque!).